Running with my husband is one of my most cherished aspects of our relationship. Of course there are the shared values, life experiences, faith, love of anything peanut butter/chocolate/pretzel, life goals, baseball games, and our dog Bailey….but running is right up there with them. And when I say running with my husband I mean the experience of both being runners, not literally always running side by side.
The funny thing about this cherished shared endeavor is that we don’t always have to do it together. I believe that is the key to maintaining a good balance and enjoying this hobby and/or lifestyle (depending on how you view running) without getting burnt out on it or each other. We do plenty of training runs where occasionally I split off or turn back before him. In addition, sometimes running at the same time but not the same route or distance or side by side is still a way we can support each other in our endeavors. Jeremy also runs more days of the week than I do so he gets his fill of solo runs where I get less of them.
When we do run together, Jeremy lets me set the pace. He is much faster than me and in the beginning that bothered me deeply because I always felt like I was holding him back and there was no way he could be OK with that. Well, over time I learned to stop saying “You can go ahead if you want to” because if he wants to…he will. I can’t get upset if he does, we just meet back at home or wherever the car is parked. When it comes to how we spend our time during runs together, it varies. Sometimes we listen to music and talk if we need to, sometimes we chatter away the entire run, sometimes we enjoy the silence with no music and an occasional joke
Not every run is joyful and filled with butterflies and rainbows. There are many long, miserable, and awful runs. There are many times we have been grumpy and snapped at each other (me more often at him). There are many times I temporarily gave up, or wanted to walk away, or tell him to go on without me. But there are many times we laugh and joke, stop for photos, get a little competitive, and make fun of our silly dog for her sideways gate.
On race days, we decide ahead of time if we will run together or not. And its usually based on the distance or the reason we are running. It usually goes something like this:
-Marathons are very deliberate and if we sign up for one together, thus far its been with the intent to run it together. We’ve now finished Prague, Shamrock, and Chicago together. Jeremy will usually sign up for a marathon by himself if he wants to go out and run a time faster than I am capable of. We haven’t decided yet how Boston 2017 will work, but we will before we toe the starting line.
-For a ten miler that we run for fun, we run it separately. For a ten miler as a training run for a marathon, we run it together and if I am seeking a PR we may run together so he can pace me.
-Anything less than 10 miles we don’t run together. I have only run one 10k since we’ve been together because I don’t really love them, but I didn’t ask him to run at my pace. We have never run a single 5k together and likely never will nor will need to since I love the 5k and there is no need for a pacer.
That’s us and what we have figured out works for us. Having a specific plan identified always ensures neither of us is surprised, for better or worse, by not crossing a finish line together or getting left in the other’s dust (OK me getting left in Jeremy’s dust).
Of course those times when one of us races and the other doesn’t its an opportunity to cheer on the other and be waiting at the finish line. Race spectating is better than running sometimes! Jeremy was there for me to help me walk when I limped through Boston 2015 in 3:43 with serious IT Band Syndrome. And I was there to help him walk when he charged through Philadelphia 2015 in 2:52 to qualify for both Boston and NYC. The bond from empathizing due to shared misery is one of the strongest I know.
Ultimately, running together is like life and marriage – its not always pretty but we always have each other to get through the tough times, and sometimes when we have to go it alone – one of us is there on the other side waiting with open arms to welcome the other and keep us standing when we can’t bear our own weight. We listen to each other complain, and whine, and cry, and sometimes say “suck it up and move on”, because that’s really what we need to hear. (And yes I have had to say that to Jeremy – case in point Prague Marathon 2014). At the end, we have a shared experience and I know that like we are there for each other during a run with a joke, pep talk, or a “suck it up” we are together in life ready to run the race that lies ahead.
Oh and whether a run or life in general we we can always reflect on the experiences with another favorite shared experience; brunch 🙂
