Find your Beautiful, Mine is Strong

Strong is Beautiful.  I didn’t intend to steal the Pantene slogan, but the sentiment is true and something of a mantra I have adopted over time.  It epitomizes the way I have come to view and accept myself as a runner, but it took time.  Let me explain.

Sometimes we, anyone who puts on a pair of running shoes and deliberately moves at a speed faster than walking, put runners in a box.  What I mean is that we, though technically runners, do not define ourselves as such.  Whether it comes from our belief that we don’t run enough to be a “runner” or don’t run fast enough to be a “runner,” we just think that there are “runners”, and then there are the rest of us.

My own personal separation between being a “runner” and just someone who runs was defined by body type and body image.  It may sound strange but for a girl who struggled to love her body as it was and, like many young girls, compared herself to her idols, I just didn’t look like them, the real runners.  The girls who beat me in track…the girls who ran on the college cross country team…the professionals I came to follow like Shalane Flanagan and Kara Goucher.  I had some muscle, some meat on me.  I didn’t have stick arms and stick legs or 6-8 pack abs.  So I labeled myself a multi-sport athlete who just ran to stay in shape.

But, I wanted to be a runner.  I wanted to look more like the people at the top of a sport I came to love.  When high school sports ended and I couldn’t define myself as a softball or basketball player, I embraced becoming a runner.  If I looked like a runner I could truly define myself as a runner.  And to look like a runner meant not to touch a single set of weights.  Abs and cardio, abs and cardio.  That was my self-identified recipe for the runner’s body I needed. Lifting would just slow me down (myth alert!).  As I got faster and ran more races I needed to fit in with the people crossing the finish line just ahead and just behind me.

Until March 2012 I did not lift a single weight.  I left that to people like my brother who wanted to “bulk up” and bodybuilders.  To me, those were the people that lifted.  I didn’t actually know any women who were good runners and strength trained.  So, I just ran.  On the road, on trails, and on the treadmill.  I did body weight exercises in ROTC, like push-ups, because I had to. And by no means did I ever come to look like Shalane Flanagan or Kara Goucher.  The only similarity was my utter lack of chest endowment. But in my mind, I was doing the right thing.  It was twisted and flawed.  I still wouldn’t run in just a sports bra in the dead of summer because I didn’t think my abs were defined enough.  For a while, I struggled to have the confidence to run in a fitted tank top! (I know…WHAAAA?!)  And had I ever picked up an issue of Runner’s World before then, I might have read one of a million articles about the importance of strength training, and realized there are a million body types for runners, but I hadn’t.

So March 2012 you say, what changed?  Jeremy Gilbert, my now husband, came into my life. After a few months of dating and some injuries on my part, Jeremy convinced me to try lifting weights.  Using him as an example; Jeremy is a big guy.  He lifts every day and he is strong.  He also runs every day and he is fast. He was then and is now.  He could curl 90 lb. weights and could run an 11:30 2-mile.  Now he can run a 2:52 marathon and he is essentially the same size.  He convinced me, with science and Women’s Fitness articles, that lifting does not equal bulking up.  It depends on how you do it and why you do it.  He suggested that improving my upper body strength could improve my running.  And he reeled me in.

I started lifting, under Jeremy’s tutelage and guidance, and I came to LOVE it.  I loved the exhaustion and reaching muscle failure, then seeing the results.  I loved the rhythm and focus of it.  I loved testing myself as I slowly increased in weight and repetitions.  Before I knew it, I could do pull-ups.  Like real pull-ups!  My arms had become more defined, my shoulders and back stronger and leaner, and the best part…I got faster.  As I added muscle I burned fat, got lighter, leaner, and more efficient.

This all fascinated me, and on top of having injury issues (another blog post), I became a student of my passion.  I started reading Runner’s World and as Instagram came about, started following runners.  I followed some blogs and forums.  And I came to realize that a) strength training is recommended and b) often used as cross-training by SO MANY runners.  Some people who lift weights and some people who do just body weight exercises.  Some of whom looked like Shalane, some of whom looked like me, and some of whom looked like college shot-putters.  But all runners.  Not just people who ran, but people who proudly said “I am a runner.”

Since March 2012 I have been lifting and strength training, and I define myself as a runner.  I realized that my own body image issues and self-comparison lead me to develop an idea of what I should be.  As I shed that layer of self-doubt and came into my own, I am now happy with my body and happy with my running.  I may not look like an Olympic athlete but I am healthy and I am strong, and I am a runner.  I have taken runners out of that box completely and embraced the belief that anyone can be a runner.  I am still working on running in a sports bra when its hot, but progress is continual.  I have nailed the self-definition piece, forever working on body image.

This post is about self-image and defining yourself; for me through cross-training and lifting I came to my empowerment and self-actualization.  Maybe you can too.  For others it could be anything.  Whatever might be holding you back from being happy in your running skin, or keeps you saying “I’m just someone who runs, not a runner,” put your running shoes on and be proud.  For me it was body type and body image.  Now I say “strong is beautiful.”  For others, its their speed.  Guess what? Slow is beautiful.  Fast is beautiful.  Last place is beautiful.  First place is beautiful.  For some, its the age they start running.  Guess what? Old is beautiful.  Young is beautiful.  For some its the frequency that they run.  Once a week is beautiful.  Six times a week is beautiful. Whatever you are, whoever you are when you put on a pair of running shoes and you move your legs at a pace faster than a walk, YOU are beautiful, YOU are strong, and YOU are a runner.

-Shaina